i want to take into consideration how my relationship with mom & pops started.
- As a kid, I kept my head down. I did what I had to do, stayed in school and worked hard
- Emotionally, I wasn’t really given much space to feel stuff. I never actually heard the traditional “be a man” schtick, but I was implicitly encouraged to keep shut
- My dad had too many emotions he couldn’t calmly articulate
- My mom barely communicated directly and ultimately ignored my dad’s emotions
I want to understand how this relationship evolved over time.
- Middle school was the first “oh I can’t do this because my parents don’t have money” experience. Overnight trips to Boston/DC/Phill would’ve been cool!
- I convinced myself I was fine not going.
- In reality, I didn’t truly know what I was missing. I was actually fine, but looking back it’s something most parents would have understood to be an enriching experience (even if it was optional)
- Mom and pops didn’t know this was a thing, and for me it just meant I was under-challenged watching TV in class for a few days — no biggie
- High school was the first time I had to face my upbringing. I could no longer be “the smart kid that worked hard”, I was clearly in a disadvantaged position for the game that is college prep and it took me a while to realize that